Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
