I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
