I wish life had little blips of pornography
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
