i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
