Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My bed smells like the plague
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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