can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
