So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize