i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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