I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
