yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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