I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
