"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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