As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
