I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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