I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
