i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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