i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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