After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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