Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
