Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
