i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
