I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
