things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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