I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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