There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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