Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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