you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
