you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
