Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
