btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
