im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
