umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
