My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
