I need help removing her.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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