Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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