her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
