I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
