so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
