is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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