You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
