No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
