It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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