his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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