I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
