I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
