Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
