I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
