Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
