dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
