A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
