Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
