Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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