Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
