i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
