I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
