If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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