I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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