This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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