So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
