i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's just like the Real World with babies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
