is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
