she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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