Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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