I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
