Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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