There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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