i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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