just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
