Jerry, you need to find god
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
