Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
